out with a bang

i know this will come as a disappointment to many a reader, but i have suspended my eharmony subscription. it’s just not how i roll. here’s one last nugget of gold from the countless hopeless matches i received (not that they are hopeless… but the match most certainly is). typos in quotations are authentic.

meet filipe.

filipe is a truck driver.

filipe’s passion: “relaxing in my front lawn by my flag pole” and looking at ants.

one thing filipe wishes more people would notice about him: “i am really cool. just wait until i rig an october corn maze in the garden for our children IF an eharmony lady says ‘yes’ before my viagra days arrive.”

one thing that only felipe’s best friends know is: “many ladies here at eharmony want to know what i’d like my spouse & companion to enjoy doing with me? cooking together and i do mean cooking in ever since of the word… i just bought an american made, cast iron, dutch oven.”

some additional information filipe wanted you to know: “i want you to be a ‘career woman’ if you choose to be, BUT if you live your life by living on credit (i’m strong-willed about it) then i’m not your man. i’m not a penny pincher. i roll the pennies.”

told you. golden. farewell eharmony. it’s been… err… real… somethin’.

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