lauren laughs

i was a little surprised the first time i got an email saying, “there comes a time in every relationship when one must decide whether to continue or move on… so-and-so has decided to close communication with you for **insert reason here*** at this time. we feel it’s important for you to have the opportunity to respond, should you choose to do so.” that’s a paraphrase. anyway, i was like… ‘i got dumped?!? but i don’t even know you! i haven’t even read your profile yet!’ but then i was like, ‘wait a sec, this means i can clean the losers out of my inbox. woohoo!’

i’ve been on a cleaning spree.

every day, around 3am, i get a new crop of matches. usually 5-7 guys. the matches are ridiculous. today i had 5 guys from georgia. georgia? next they’ll be matching me with peeps in oregon! two of today’s matches also happened to be 40, meaning they are closer to my mom’s age than my age. unfortunately, that’s not one of the reasons you can select for closing a match… “lauren has decided to close communication with you because she thinks you ought to date her mother.” and really, i wouldn’t let them date my mom. i’m just making a point.

i’m going through matches about as fast as i go through a bag of m&m’s. i try to shoot ’em down before they even get a chance to look at my profile. that’s because eHarmony, in it’s infinite match-making wisdom, keeps setting me up with crazy fundamentalist types. i mean, were i to date a guy, i’d like him to be a Christian. definitely. but where are the normal Christians?

okay there is one that contacted me. he actually skipped past all the cheesy questions in “guided communication” and requested “fast track” so we could go straight to emailing. i was a little wary to accept his fast track request, but then decided it’s all part of the experiment, so i gave it a shot. he’d actually sent me a nice email, saying that he, as a minister/professor, understood what i meant in my profile when i talked about wishing people didn’t get weirded out when i tell them i’m a youth minister… that they start rewinding the conversation we’ve just had in their heads, trying to remember if they’ve said anything incriminating. the subject heading of his email was “beer and jesus.” he said that when he encounters that situation, he invites the person to talk more over a cold beer, and then they usually chill out a bit.

that’s todays update. also, i will say, this is slightly time consuming.

it’s official. i’m experimenting with online dating.

see, it started with little nudges from my friends, little jokes or threats here and there. nothing persuasive, though, since i’m honestly content as is. then i was talking to a friend last weekend about her online dating experiences, and we agreed that even if you don’t end up dating someone, it’s a good way to learn more about yourself and others. that got me thinking.

i filled out the personality profile. mostly so i could just see how they described me. it all seemed accurate, except when they said i could be described as “avant-garde,” going against the norm, pushing the boundaries of what makes most people comfortable. what? but i’m so traditional! oh, yeah… i guess i did travel to pakistan (and hope to go back soon)… and i did live in africa… and i did quit my steady job to be a missionary. maybe that’s “pushing it” a bit. fine. just because i think that’s normal doesn’t mean everyone else does. who gets to define normal anyway?

after finishing my profile, i was sent a few matches. whatever. but then two of them tried to contact me! they asked a few pre-fab questions, i tried to respond, but wham! i was shut down. apparently you have to pay to respond. hmm… is it worth it?

well, i took a vote over dinner with friends. really, i didn’t have to take a vote because everyone was on board. i will indeed try this online dating nonsense, and i will keep you posted on the drama that ensues. don’t get your hopes up. right now i’m just answering questions. i wouldn’t consider dating a single guy i’ve been “matched” with so far.

two side notes: 1) apparently this online dating thing is quite common. two of my dinner buddies tonight had personal experience to add to the mix. 2) from what i can tell so far, guys like to post pictures of themselves with nieces and nephews. is that supposed to be endearing? boy, this is going to be a long 3 months.