lauren laughs

take a big whiff. (thanks, callie). maryland finally has its very own biodiesel production plant. YAY! seriously, biodiesel is my favorite fuel (and yes, there are many to choose from… you just don’t hear about them too often). put simply, biodiesel is a domestically produced renewable fuel that can be used in any diesel engine with no modifications. it burns cleaner than petroleum diesel, increases energy independence from foreign sources of oil and benefits farmers whose crops are used as feedstock for the fuel. i’ve had the opportunity to work pretty closely with the family running this gig, and i’m so excited the project is finally off the ground. if you’re lucky, soon all those buses and trucks emitting black clouds of gross smelling soot will instead smell like french fries or popcorn. mmmmm. just look at that clean soybean oil glistening in the sun.

one of the passages read at church last night was philippians 1:3-6, “i thank my God every time i remember you, constantly praying with joy in every one of my prayers for all of you, because of your sharing in the gospel from the first day until now. i am confident of this, that the one who began a good work among you will bring it to completion by the day of Jesus Christ.” i remember the first time i really paid attention to these words, i was a freshman in college. one of my girlfriends wrote it down for me as a reminder of how thankful she was for our friendship and how she was praying for me constantly with joy. obviously paul’s words and my friend’s gesture meant a lot to me as i can remember both so clearly now. i think i probably thank God for my relationships more than anything else… the source of so much joy and so many blessings. the last part of the passage speaks to me for different reasons. in terms of pursuing dreams, these words pick me up when i’m discouraged, “the one who began a good work among you will bring it to completion.” if i truly believe that the dreams in my heart are placed there by God, that He has begun a good work in me, i can also be confident that He will bring it to completion. such a freeing feeling.

one of the phases we enter while pursuing dreams is “sanctuary,” which is significant in two ways. sanctuaries are safe places. a bird sanctuary is a place where species can live and breed safely to protect their existence. in times of war, people would often run to church sanctuaries for protection. in churches, sanctuaries are where the congregation meets for fellowship and spiritual growth, but especially to communicate with God. so sanctuary in the context of pursuing dreams in similar. it’s a place of spiritual renewal, protection, and communication with God. david describes this in psalm 23, “He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside quiet waters. He restores my soul; He guides me in paths of righteousness for His name’s sake.”

when we draw nearer to God in sanctuary, His light surrounds us and shines through us. while this illumination is exciting, just to be in His presence, it’s also very telling. the contrast between God’s light and the darkness in us is more real than ever. what we see in ourselves can make us uncomfortable. but God sees all that we see too, and yet he calls us to come closer still. and He can take away the darkness, making more room for His light to shine in us and through us. john 3:30 says, “He must increase, but i must decrease.”

it is during this time of close communion with God that we are reminded our dreams are His, that He has placed them on our hearts. though we may be tempted to make our dreams our own, it’s important to surrender our dreams to God. this is not a one time surrender, but something we have to do regularly to ensure God really is first in our lives.

mikey and farhan celebrate their birthdays today and tomorrow, but we partied it up last friday. the fiesta had a golf theme, just for kicks, and allison and alicia did a great job of dressing mikey and farhan for the occasion. funny thing is, those are actually mike’s shoes. while the initial plan to play nine holes of pub golf was abandoned, everyone had a great time laughing at the guys. easy targets. taking them out in public was especially fun. farhan got a number of odd looks and guys yelling, “put your collar down!” chin up McPaki. you wear that collar high. happy birthday boys…

last week i went to a show at 8×10 to see mat kearney, which was good… but the guy opening up for him was the best. justin king. he solo-ed the short set, which was amazing, but i think he sounds good with his band too based on what i’ve heard online (his latest album hasn’t been released yet). if you like unique acoustic genius sounds, get his “le bleu” album. i love it. if you like catchy music you can sing to, find their new cd when it comes out.

i love being in a city where i can actually see great musicians so easily and frequently. i left wanting to practice guitar forever…

sometimes we face periods of immense trial. we feel alone and deserted and have trouble seeing God’s blessings in our lives. we may become so discouraged that we are tempted to leave behind the dream God has planted in our hearts, but times of trial can be seasons of preparation. james 1:2-4 says, “consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking in anything.” i love the word perseverance. it goes far beyond endurance. it’s moving forward. it’s purposeful.

wilkerson brings up two points in the dream giver that make me a little nervous. he says big challenges make leaders dynamic. i agree. i don’t think you have to have had the worst trials ever in order to be the most dynamic leader, but i think challenges can be opportunities to glorify God later (or even at that moment). this concept is comforting while in the midst of trials, at least for me. but it’s a little intimidating for me when everything is hunky dory. it’s like, uh oh… if i want to be a great leader, what will i have to face next? yikes! the other point is that we are most likely to be tested in the areas of faith we struggle with the most. i’ve seen evidence of this in my life for sure. when i hesitate to do what i feel God is calling me to do, it’s frequently because i fear what others will think of me. this is the area i’ve been tested in the most lately, even now. it’s frustrating to have to face the same hurdle over and over again. i’m constantly asking why. but each time i persevere i can feel God’s strength welling up inside me and the confidence and wisdom and resolve that come with that.

so in the midst of trials, i really can be full of joy. the future is bright.

this weekend i got some serious sun, but only my face and feet are pink… whew! my friend john was the host with the most in oc (maryland, not california) who let me crash his pad and his family. i can’t remember the last time i went to the beach with a bunch of kids… it’s so entertaining! i have to admit i’m a bit jealous of little emma. i miss the days when i wore bows and ruffles on my swimsuits, thought trips to the trash can were adventures, was encouraged to take naps, and could fit in a bucket.

one of the things i’d like to chronicle on this blog is what we’re reading for a Bible study i’m in with an amazing group of women. we’re currently reading the dream giver by bruce wilkerson, which happens to fit well with visioneering by andy stanley (a book city lights is reading). here’s a recap of what we’ve discussed the past 3 weeks.

week 1:
sometimes we discover a big dream that God has placed on our hearts, but then we’re tempted to think that it’s too big for us. at least, i feel that way at times. God will show me something and i’ll be like, ‘really? me? are you sure??’ but God created me as a unique person because i have a unique role to play in His bigger plans. my big dream is part of something larger. i may not know the details of my dream yet, but knowing that it’s from God is motivation enough to pursue it. psalm 139:6 says, “in your book were written all the days that were formed for me, when none of them as yet existed.” God knows what he’s up to. i believe that. philippians 3:12 says, “not that i have already… reached the goal; but i press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own.” God has placed dreams in my heart, but it’s up to me to seek Him and claim those dreams for His glory. i haven’t reached the goal yet. i don’t see the big picture. but i can put one foot in front of the other, trusting that God has created a path for me.

week 2:
sometimes, in order to do what we are most passionate about, we have to face that which we most dread. this is true of me. my greatest desire is to minister to God’s people through love, to be one of His lights in the world. my greatest fear is what people might think of me. to follow the desires of my heart, i’ll have to face my fears. courage is choosing to act in spite of fear. 1 corinthians 1:27-29 says, “but God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world, things that are not, so that no one might boast in the presence of God.” this passage speaks to me in two ways. first it reminds me that though i am small (or at least feel that way), God can use me for big things. secondly, this paradox is precisely what brings God glory because it speaks to His presence and power in the situation. can i do my big dream alone? no. can i do it with God’s help? yes. so His is the glory.

week 3:
when we face our fears, we break out of our comfort zones. it’s interesting, because my comfort zone expands each time i break out of it. moving to baltimore knowing only one person was totally scary for me, a country bumpkin. (no, i don’t really think of myself that way, but stick with me). now i’m very at home here. comfortable even. i’ve expanded my borders. but these actions and decisions we make to pursue our dreams may threaten others’ comfort zones as well, causing them to discourage us from moving forward. in times like this, it’s good to listen to the concerns of those who love us, but ultimately we have to choose who we will follow. galatians 1:10 says, “am i now seeking human approval or God’s approval? or am i trying to please people? if i were still pleasing people, i would not be a servant of Christ.” i know i’m a people pleaser. but my desire to please God is greater, so i need to make choices that reflect that. as the minister i heard sunday put it, “i have an audience of One.”

so farhan is definitely one of my best friends… and has been for years now. i can rely on our friendship as much as i can any familial relationship. we’re leaving in a few weeks for a very special trip to pakistan. both farhan and his sister arzoo will be celebrating marriages and farhan will then bring his loooovely bride roohi back to b’more to start a life together. all the baltimorons are eagerly awaiting roohi’s arrival! we can’t wait to welcome her to charm city.

last night farhan and i went ring shopping. FUN! it’s really funny, because though i consider myself to be a pretty low maintenance gal (wishful thinking, i know) i get pretty girlie-girl around diamonds. i couldn’t stop laughing, they just sparkle so much! i got to try several on since they just wouldn’t look the same on farhan’s hands. haha. again, they’re so sparkly! woe to the man that sweeps me off my feet.

i started a new blog. it’s called “phos” and it serves a different, less social, purpose. check it out if you want http://phosislight.blogspot.com… “lauren laughs” will of course continue 🙂