Tag Archives: Love

Feb 15 2010
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open valentine to bloggers and fb

after getting muchos bouncebacks to this emailed valentine yesterday, i thought i better share the same on blog and facebook for all those i missed! love.

It is my custom to mail valentines to friends and family, near and far. But as the list of places I’ve lived grows longer, and my relationships multiply, well… it gets expensive! So please accept this electronic valentine and update as a token of my continued affection. I’ll even throw some pictures in (just click on any highlighted words).

The past year has been a doozy, in a good way. Here are the highlights…

I continue to love my job as a youth minister. The kids and the church are awesome. Last year I took two ski trips, a beach trip, mission trips to Costa Rica and West Virginia, and I led a Pilgrimage to Ireland. It was a lot of travel (10 days in Ireland feels like 100 when you’re taking care of 37 teenagers!) but I got by with a little (or a lot of) help from my friends. And the best part: countless Moments of Grace. Nothing like a lack of control to help you see God right in front of your nose.

I love life in Charlotte. Though the city is lacking in diversity, it is over the top in hospitality and activity. My friends here introduced me to a number of new hobbies, including my first two triathlons, first two 10k races, and first two half-marathons. My family thinks it’s hilarious that I, the nonathletic child, have become a runner. Who knew? Chalk it up to peer pressure, in a good way. I’ve got an awesome Monday night girls’ group–we read books and pray together. I’ve got an awesome Thursday night girls’ group–we drink wine together. Got to love balance. I don’t just hang out with girls, though… there are boys too. One, in particular. And he’s a yankee (gasp)!!

The two most exciting and daunting pieces of news are Pepper and the Priesthood. Pepper is my dear sweet dog. A 2-yr old German Shepherd Lab mix I rescued her last March; she is the love of my life. She cannot get enough love, nor does she ever run out of love to give. She barks at boys and likes sweaty shoes. I didn’t think I could handle the responsibility of a dog, considering all my travels, but my friends have made it all possible. It takes a village. As for the Priesthood, I entered the discernment process to be an Episcopal Priest last fall. It’s a long process, complicated, exhausting, rich and life-giving. Depending on how things go, I may start seminary in Fall of 2011. Maybe I’ll know by next Valentine’s Day… in the mean time, I appreciate your prayers!

No matter where you are this Valentine’s Day, I pray that you know Love. Uncontrollable, no strings attached, unconditional, radical, unstoppable, mindbending… God LOVE.

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Nov 12 2009
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13.1 thank you’s

a while back i got this wild idea to run a half marathon (i think it started on the cruise with my girlfriends this summer, when i read an article about endurance training, and thought, huh… i’ve been training for things all year… but endurance… that’s something new…) everyone kept telling me it’s a mental challenge as much as a physical one. my girlfriend jocelita said, “maybe just think of a different person at every mile…” so i filed that little nugget away.

a month before the race, i made a list. i was going to run 13.1 miles, so i chose 13 people that had made the biggest impact on my first year in town. here’s the run-down…

From 2009 Fall

mile 1: aimeesita. 7.48. this was my fastest mile (downhill and pumped up). aimeesita is so many things to me, but she is always my designated hug for the day. without her, i could go a whole week hugless!

mile 2: anniebananie. 8:47. anniebananie shares my office and therefore my craziness. she listens to me whether she wants to or not. sometimes she acts like my mom, but she never gets upset with me. love!

mile 3: chip dinero. 8:42. chip dinero is my mentor. he’s been there for lots of up’s and down’s this year. i look up to him muchisimo.

mile 4: danimal. 9:12 (pace is slowing… uphill). not only did danimal introduce me to sweet pepper bear, but he also taught me to rake leaves and he manages my fantasy football team… which is winning. most generous guy i know!

mile 5: farrellita. 8:40. farrellita intimidated me when i first met her because she is so cool. now she, her hubby and her baby are like family to me. her back porch (with a glass of wine in my hand) is probably my favorite place in town.

mile 6: hi-mey. 9:24. i met hi-mey up at farrellita’s cabin last spring. we hit it off immediately. i love him so much, i introduced him to the best girl i know. and he asked her to marry him. she said yes. and there was much rejoicing.

mile 7: jocelita. 9:13. jocelita is one of the biggest cheer leaders i know. she was biking all over the course on her stylin’ yellow wheels, cheering peeps on left and right. she inspires me!

mile 8: juan. 9:12. juan is my boss. i often say i want to be like all the priests i work for when i grow up, but i especially want to be like juan. he’s got more wisdom and insight than peeps twice his age. and he’s a tree hugger.

mile 9: julia. 9:37. julia was one of my first real girlfriends here. she taught me to ride with clipless pedals, and was there for my first fall. she later told me she was hoping to be the mile that includes the toughest hill on the course, and she was… well… half way…

mile 10: latissimus. 9:55. my slowest mile on the course. in part because it included the other half of the toughest hill, but also because i had to stop and hug hi-mey and wave to anniebananie, who were waiting on the course, cheering for me. YES! latissimus introduced me to 1/3 of the peeps i know here, drove me around the first 3 car-less months i lived here, and then taught me to drive stick when i finally did buy a car. other than dating, he’s pretty much awesome

mile 11: lindensita. 9:37. lindensita’s stretch of the race was actually perfect, as it’s the same stretch we “speed walked” the day i told her i wanted to be a priest. she was the first friend i told… the guinea pig. and she didn’t freak out! linden gets the mountain girl in me.

mile 12: maria carolina. 9:52. mi amor, mc! this chica started the monday night girls’ group that has become my sacred space each week. we have some crazy similarities, meaning she makes me feel understood in a way few people can.

mile 13: sloandawg. i don’t know that i actually stopped my watch when i crossed the finish. sloandawg, i think, has put up with my very worst, and she’s been there for some of my best moments too. she ran my first 10k and my first triathlon with me. she lets me repeat stories over and over, and she put up with the bulk of my culture shock when i moved here. i love her. she’s also engaged to hi-mey.

From 2009 Fall

in the end, i finished the race in 2:00:11. my goal was to get as close to 2 hours as possible, so 11 seconds over is pretty stinkin’ close! i was very pleased. and dad was standing at the finish line waiting for me with a great big hug. as were jocelita and jota.

jota is someone else i need to thank. he has made running fun, as has the whole running club.

sarita also gets a shout-out for biking all over the course to cheer me (and others) on!

lorita too, who could not be there, as she was cheering on her hubby in his first ironman race, but who coached me through every one of my long runs leading up to the race… she’s one of my new favorite people. and her watch, which usually beeps at us when we run uphills, was beeping in my head, reminding me to slow up a little on those uphill stretches.

all in all, it was an epic day, i finally earned a real medal (YAY!!!), and we closed out the festivities with a dinner party for the 13 and their dates. thanks to chef dad.

thank you, thank you, thank you for all who encouraged me along the way, and especially for all who have made this town HOME to me.

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Sep 24 2009
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just a taste

i tend to live out loud. keeps me authentic. it’s a lot easier to falsify aspects of life when you keep them hidden. so don’t be shocked when i say on my blog (and thus on facebook) that i saw my therapist today.

i really love my rock star of a shrink, who i’ll call juana. she helped me acclimate post-africa as i tried to remember my identity, and as i tried to re-learn emotions. i think she did a pretty good job. we met regularly last summer.

and we met once in january, in a moment of freaking out over how awkward my new dating relationship was, which ended shortly after. (no worries).

but i hadn’t seen her since. it’s not that i haven’t had my ups and downs… i have. but i am a) extremely self aware, b) practical, and c) an external processor. meaning i walk into a counseling session knowing exactly how i feel, understanding why i feel that way, and i’ve likely processed it with several girlfriends.

the current downer: i’m lonely.

on one level, it’s absolutely ridiculous. i have the most amazing friends, and lots of ’em. my social calendar is full. my work is fulfilling. life is balanced. life is good. God is great.

on another level, it makes perfect sense. there’s an empty space, and it is what it is.

so when i told my boss i was in a funk (i mean, he’s a priest, i can tell him anything)… he responded, “when’s the last time you talked to juana?”

i said, “dude, i know why i’m lonely.”

at which point he laughed and said, “oh, you do?”

“fine,” i said.

and i called juana.

she pretty much said what i expected… i’m not in need of real “therapy” because it’s ok to feel lonely. it’s real. it’s part of life. i’m aware, i’m balanced, i’m good to go.

but she did say one thing that kinda stood out… this little nugget will somehow help me cope… though i don’t know how… i just know it will.

basically, i’ve opened myself up to loneliness. i’ve allowed myself to be open to love, i’ve put myself out there, i’ve been crushed and broken and hurt, but i’ve also opened a door that i could-not-would-not open this time last year.

in a sense, it’s a good thing.

you know when you’re not really hungry, but then somebody gives you a bite of a cookie, and then suddenly your stomach starts growling and you’re like, ‘when’s dinner?!”

well that’s where i am right now. i didn’t know i was hungry. i had a little taste of something good, and now i’m eager for the main course.

i’m hungry, but not starving. lonely, but not desperate.

and somehow, that little juana-ism is like the sherbet they serve between courses… a pallet-cleanser of sorts. so i share it with you, free of charge. but i recommend you back it up with a strong dose of self-care if you feel you’re in the same boat. laughter, prayer, exercise, acupuncture, short-term attainable goals, pedicures, mountains, dogs and best friends come to mind.

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Jun 08 2009
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las solteras

i just got back from listening to the symphony at an outdoor amphitheater with half the city, including 3 of my lovely girlfriends. it was pretty much awesome. a “country” theme, with several singalong tunes. but even more awesome was the drama that one likely encounters as a single girl in the city.

here’s juanita’s story.

(don’t you just love how i hispanify all my names??)

so there we were, the 4 of us, sitting on a darling white table cloth with blue trim and yellow fruit accents (pears, maybe)… sipping wine from our lovely picnic basket that sloan dawg brought along (don’t know how to hispanify that name, but as a sidebar, sloan dawg and i met at one of these outdoor symphonies last year! aw, our little anniversary party…) when juanita noticed that her ex-boyfriend’s wife was sitting RIGHT next to us.

this was pretty much a non-issue till the ex’s daughter noticed juanita, screamed with delight, and proceeded to talk excitedly for 5 minutes… clearly STOKED to run into her dad’s former love.

mmm, see, the daughter is in high school.

because the ex is 55.

juanita is not 55.

after the show, the ex-wife walked up to us, understandably curious about the previous conversation and her daughter’s connection to some stranger.

she asked if we attended the same high school.

mmm… yeah. 3 of the 4 of us are in our 30’s. and 4 of the 4 of us were sipping wine. so, no. not high school buddies.

juanita gracefully stated she was a friend of the ex. at which point the ex-wife says, “oh, you didn’t date him, did you????!!!!” (clearly expecting a “no” response). juanita cannot tell a lie, so she sat there, mouth slightly open, searching for the right response… “um, it was a long time ago…” meanwhile, the horrified daughter shouted, “MOM!!!!”

oh well.

we (the girls, not the ex-wife) talked about the inconvenience of age differences. if only 55 were just a number. but it’s not. it’s got implications. bummer.

10 minutes later, some dude, some young dude, walked up to talk to us. too young. he gaped in disbelief to find he was 10 years younger than his target. he carded her to be sure. but as previously stated, juanita can only speak the truth. ah, the numbers game again.

in the end, juanita went home to her loyal loving dog, a tad short on drama. happy ending? it’s fuzzy math.

regardless, it was a good girls’ night out.

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Apr 23 2009
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rules shmules

you know, i really don’t want this to become some blog about my dating life, or lack thereof… i mean, that’s slightly petty to publish, right? but i’m in the midst of a dilemma, so i’m going to process via writing. forgive me.

let me interrupt my train of thought by saying there is nothing funnier than watching a big dog chase a tennis ball around the house on hard wood floors. thank God for pepper.

anyway, i’ve had a list of dating rules the past several years. a set of criteria for men to live up to in order for me to consider dating them. really, there are 4 plus 2 rules. like a bonus round.

1. most importantly… the guy has to love God. i’ve tried it otherwise, and it just never works. i have plenty of friends that this doesn’t apply to, but for whatever reason, dating is different.

2. he’s got to laugh. at himself, at me, at life… etc.

3. he’s got to be intelligent, preferably in a challenging way. not just some rocket scientist i can’t talk to.

4. he’s got to be well traveled… preferably having lived in another country, but i realize that’s asking a lot.

and then the “plus 2…”

a) i won’t date a guy closer to my mom’s age than my own (she is a young thing!)

b) i won’t date potential. that’s a toughy, b/c there’s always potential, but you got to date what’s real now.

now… some friends take issue with the well traveled thing. what if the guy has a desire to travel but just hasn’t been able to? can’t really hold that against him, right? and some friends have an issue with the God thing. is it enough if he just respects your religion? or if he’s spiritual? what if he does yoga? and some think you have to chose either travel or faith… that the two don’t mix… but then i am positive i’m not some freak of nature, and there’ve got to be at least 5 thousand other peeps in the world that love God and travel just like me.

but this weekend i was thinking… are all these rules just an effort to be in control? i mean, what’s the fun in some pre-packaged man? i certainly wouldn’t want anyone to put ME in a box! so i thought i’d just get rid of my rules. get out of the way of God’s sense of humor, you know?

but standards are a good thing, right?

what’s the difference?

i figure it’s better to ask these questions while i’m single.

i’m just thinkin’ out loud here.

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