lauren laughs

just realized it’s the last day of november and i’ve posted nothing on phos… so i’ll share something i wrote in an email yesterday for the sake of time. and because it really has me thinking.

okay. i’m reading a book by jeanne guyon, written in the late 17th century, titled “experiencing the depths of Jesus Christ.” it was sent to me by two dear friends, ron and ruth, who provide pastoral care to yfc missionaries. they visited me in october, and sent this book upon their return to washington. when i was seemingly (and perhaps truly) in the depths of despair last week, r&r asked if i had read the book they sent. i immediately snatched it up, reaching for anything to touch my hardening heart.

it’s really a simple book. it’s meant to be especially useful to the uneducated and illiterate. i know, a book for the illiterate… but it could be read aloud. anyway, it’s short. but i’m reading slowly. really slowly. this morning i read about abandonment, and came across something i’m not totally comfortable with. it’s good to get uncomfortable… it’s how we grow…

here’s the passage: “remember, you must never blame man for anything. no matter what happens, it was neither man nor circumstances that brought it. you must accept everything (except, of course, your own sinfulness) as having come from your Lord.”

hmm.

i mean, i’m all for abandonment, though it doesn’t come easily. something to be learned again every day. and boy, is it freeing! but to say that all things, even bad things, come from God? except my own sin… but what about another’s sin? what about when someone sins against me? of course God can use that, and has used that, and does use that… but to say that that too is from God? maybe i’m misunderstanding the passage.

i have a song stuck in my head back from the days of church camp. the chorus goes like this… “teach me simple things. help me understand. take me by my hand, and teach me simple things.”

i’ve been reflecting on how much easier it is to appreciate the simple things here in africa (especially the past couple of days i’ve spent in the village) and how God teaches us through simplicity. i think as i’m realizing the Source of every simple blessing, i loose some of the vanity that comes with the more complex (or contrived) activities and accumulations. when looking at the complex, i can attribute some aspects of “greatness” to myself, forgetting that everything has a simple beginning, and that God is responsible for the most elemental details.

another song come to mind: “tis the gift to be simple, tis the gift to be free, tis the gift to come down where we ought to be. and when we find ourselves in the place just right, t’will be in the valley of love and delight. when true simplicity is gained, to bow and to bend we shant be ashamed. to turn, turn, will be our delight; till by turning, turning, we come round right.”

every sunday, most of the missionaries and other christian expats get together for english fellowship. yesterday we were talking about the story of Jesus walking on water, and peter walking out to meet Him, then sinking in his fear (matthew 14:22-33). someone made the statement that when Jesus says to peter, “you of little faith, why did you doubt?” that He’s pointing out peter’s self doubt. peter doesn’t doubt Jesus, as Jesus is still standing there on the water… what’s to doubt? but peter doubts himself and God in him.

i’d never looked at the story that way, and i need to reflect on it more… but it certainly resonates with my experience. how often do i doubt the greatness God has called me to, even in the face of His deeds in my life and the world around me? when i think i’m not capable of doing what asks, i’m doubting myself, yes… but doubting God simultaneously as i doubt His ability to make me great or do great things through little me. so self doubt isn’t so much humility as it is disobedience with a scapegoat.

hmm. interesting.

while i was in colorado this summer, i came to the realization that i had given the bible considerably little time and thought compared to the numerous works i’ve read for st. john’s and beyond. when i do read the bible, i typically pay attention to what makes me feel good, and steer clear of the rest. why? so i’ve set out to do a more thorough reading of the bible. reading whole books at once instead of excerpts, noting what makes me feel good or uncomfortable or confused. asking questions. re-reading. it gives me lots to think about.

here are some thoughts on 1 corinthians.

“has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world?… for the foolishness of God is wiser than man’s wisdom.” (1:20, 25). certainly, yes. i encounter this in myself and with my more intellectual friends. faith does seem foolish at times, which is part of what makes it faith. if everything made sense, there would be no room for wonder, mystery, God.

chapters 5 and 6 are troubling to me. paul says to condemn the sexually immoral person in their group (he’s referring to a man who took his mother as a bride) and to not even share a meal with him. it’s a pretty hard line. he seems to change his tune a bit in 2 corinthians, though, which i’ll touch on later.

“i have become all things to all men so that by all possible means i might save some.” (9:22). paul is talking about how he meets people where they are, much like Jesus did. he says more about this, and there’s much to be learned from it, i think.

God always gives me a way out of temptation (10:15)… whether i chose to accept that way is up to me, though.

chapter 13, the famous love chapter. one of my friends used to get annoyed when chapter 13 was read at weddings, since the context of the chapter is actually dissention among the corinthians, not the harmony a marriage ceremony is to represent. he was encouraged, though, when a minister actually addressed that truth during the wedding. perhaps acknowledging the context of the passage actually makes it that much more appropriate to a marriage with its ups and downs. regardless, i think this definition of love is beautiful. “and now these three remain: faith, hope and love. but the greatest of these is love.”