every sunday, most of the missionaries and other christian expats get together for english fellowship. yesterday we were talking about the story of Jesus walking on water, and peter walking out to meet Him, then sinking in his fear (matthew 14:22-33). someone made the statement that when Jesus says to peter, “you of little faith, why did you doubt?” that He’s pointing out peter’s self doubt. peter doesn’t doubt Jesus, as Jesus is still standing there on the water… what’s to doubt? but peter doubts himself and God in him.
i’d never looked at the story that way, and i need to reflect on it more… but it certainly resonates with my experience. how often do i doubt the greatness God has called me to, even in the face of His deeds in my life and the world around me? when i think i’m not capable of doing what asks, i’m doubting myself, yes… but doubting God simultaneously as i doubt His ability to make me great or do great things through little me. so self doubt isn’t so much humility as it is disobedience with a scapegoat.