Tag Archives: Experiment

out with a bang

i know this will come as a disappointment to many a reader, but i have suspended my eharmony subscription. it’s just not how i roll. here’s one last nugget of gold from the countless hopeless matches i received (not that they are hopeless… but the match most certainly is). typos in quotations are authentic.

meet filipe.

filipe is a truck driver.

filipe’s passion: “relaxing in my front lawn by my flag pole” and looking at ants.

one thing filipe wishes more people would notice about him: “i am really cool. just wait until i rig an october corn maze in the garden for our children IF an eharmony lady says ‘yes’ before my viagra days arrive.”

one thing that only felipe’s best friends know is: “many ladies here at eharmony want to know what i’d like my spouse & companion to enjoy doing with me? cooking together and i do mean cooking in ever since of the word… i just bought an american made, cast iron, dutch oven.”

some additional information filipe wanted you to know: “i want you to be a ‘career woman’ if you choose to be, BUT if you live your life by living on credit (i’m strong-willed about it) then i’m not your man. i’m not a penny pincher. i roll the pennies.”

told you. golden. farewell eharmony. it’s been… err… real… somethin’.

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oh, snap!

just checked to see how many matches were omitted by my friend the other night, at which point i discovered he dumped the ONLY guy i was in communication with! and the reason he gave?

“i think the difference in our values is too great”

thanks, man. a whole month and a half of investment down the drain. hilarious.

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e-harmony update

nothing to report, except that i let one of my guy friends into my e-harmony account last night and he dumped half my matches.

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fall fashion

so, bachelor numero dos responded to the “thoughtful” (thanks suzz) question regarding homosexuality, and his response was not only reasonable… he could relate. seems “esteban” (as we’ll call him) has a gay brother. go figure.

it’s the latest accessory.

esteban is a bit of a paradox to me. some things he says make me think, ‘this guy is real and has lived and i think we could be friends.’ other things make me think, ‘are you brainwashed?’ so we’ll see what’s behind door number 2, i suppose.

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pablo peters out

seems the pablo story ends before it really begins.

see, i was at lunch with a girlfriend and guyfriend from work. we’ll call them lindsay and tim (since those are indeed their names). i was updating them on the latest in the eharmony saga. oddly enough, both of them were “familiar” with eharmony already. i’m telling you, it’s everywhere!


when i mentioned i was in “open communication” (ie: emailing) with this new guy, lindsay said, “huh… what’s his name?”

i said, “well his profile says *pablo* but he signs his emails *brad*” (just go with the made up names).

lindsay’s eyes just about bugged out of her head, “don’t talk to him!”

“you know him?”

“i told you i’d tried eharmony before!” she gave me a few reasons to steer clear of pablo… so that’s that.

small world.

i just emailed pablo to say, sorry man, but you’ve been matched with one of my friends, and i’ve got to bail.

another one bites the dust.

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whoa whoa whoa

apparently the fact that i’m blogging about eharmony is not a deterrent. i’m now in “open communication” with a guy we’ll call pablo. you know how i love nicknames (not so special bryan… blind date bob… etc.)

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cat’s out of the bag

i got a response. and i think it was more than reasonable. and that’s all i’ll say about that because it’s really not fair for me to broadcast some guy’s thoughts on homosexuality, right? it’s not his blog.

but it is mine, so i will tell you what he asked me in response, and how i answered (and then you’ll know why the cat is indeed out of the bag).

1. What are some things you’ve done for fun in your free time over the last few weeks? (doesn’t have to be anything crazy, just an snapshot of what you do for fun)
I’m headed out to grill with some friends now, went to a movie with girlfriends last night, high school football game Friday (that’s job related, but fun too), dinner with friends Thursday night, and I was in South Africa the week before that. Fun usually involves eating, drinking, or something active (like wall climbing or salsa dancing). I like to be with my friends. If I’m alone, I read for for fun too.
(note: just to keep things honest, i didn’t actually grill out tonight, but had cheese and crackers with friends instead. and i don’t wall climb often, but it’s an example of “something active” and i would go more often if i could.)

2. Describe your spirituality.
That’s broad. My relationship with God is very important to me and informs just about everything I do. I read the Bible and journal (pray) every morning. Not because I think that’s how “spirituality” ought to be done, but because it feeds me. I’m enrolled in a theology class, which I enjoy. I also have a lot of non- “spiritual” friends, which I also enjoy. Both challenge me in very meaningful ways, and both keep me growing and authentic. I think spirituality is personal, but it’s not something I’m reluctant to share in the least.

** and here’s the kicker! **

3. Why did you join eHarmony?
Honestly, some friends and I decided it would be funny for me to give it a 3 month trial and then blog about it. That said, it’s something I’ve taken seriously, as it wouldn’t be an honest “try” otherwise. I do desire to be in a meaningful relationship, but I thought surely eharmony would take the fun and romance out of dating… so this experiment of sorts helped me to take the plunge. I suppose you can google me now.

wonder if that’ll get me dumped?

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1 down, 2 to go

well i’ve exhausted the first month of my eharmony membership. i only paid for 3, and i’m not keen on renewing. so 2 months to go before i’m back to… more of the same… ie: not dating. but i’m okay with that.

perhaps that’s the problem? i mean, if asking authentic questions gets you nothing but crickets, maybe this kind of thing is meant for peeps that are SO eager to date, that authenticity falls by the wayside. i think eharmony doesn’t really jive with my M.O.

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awkward silences

alright. let me explain “guided communication” on eharmony.

step 1: guy sends me 4 pre-fabricated multiple choice eharmony questions (i never instigate conversation… call me old fashioned).

step 2: i answer 4 questions and respond with 5 pre-fab questions.

step 3: guy answers my questions

step 4: i send “must haves/can’t stands” or “mhcs” in eharmony speak (yes, they have their own language).

step 5: he sends his mhcs.

step 6: i send 3 questions that i actually get to make up myself…

and that’s as far as i’ve gotten… because 2 guys have yet to answer my questions. i think this is the one that stumps them:

how do you feel about homosexuality? a member of my family is gay. it’s hard for me to wrap my head around at times, but i love this person dearly. just thought i’d put that out there.

one of the guys hasn’t responded in almost 2 weeks. i only blindsided the other guy just yesterday. and the jeopardy theme song plays on…

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picture perfect

a few words about posting pictures on eharmony.

first off, you probably don’t want to post a picture of you hanging all over a girl (if you’re a guy)… and you certainly shouldn’t post a series of pictures of you with the same girl over and over. no one wants to see how hot (or not) your ex was.

if you do post a picture of you with a girl, there’s no need to add the caption “i’m on the left” if you’re standing on the left. chances are, we can figure that out… one would hope.

shirtless pics (for guys) are a little risky. they appear especially stupid if it’s clear that you’re taking a picture of yourself… shirtless. really?

beware of cheesy captions. “it’s 5 o’clock somewhere,” “i’m too sexy for my shirt,” or “i love kids!” to name a few.

if that really is who you are, then keep it up. i’m all for authenticity. some girl (not me) will totally dig it.

that said, i probably ought to post the lone picture posted on my profile. i’m sure it’s worthy of critique as well. it’s not on this computer though. i’ll just tell you, it’s a semi-profile pic, my hair thrown up in a mess, no make-up, and a couple of discreet elephants in the background. it’s how i normally look, minus the elephants… which i really posted to see if anyone would notice the context of the picture in the first place.

here is said picture…

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