Tag Archives: Dating

las solteras

i just got back from listening to the symphony at an outdoor amphitheater with half the city, including 3 of my lovely girlfriends. it was pretty much awesome. a “country” theme, with several singalong tunes. but even more awesome was the drama that one likely encounters as a single girl in the city.

here’s juanita’s story.

(don’t you just love how i hispanify all my names??)

so there we were, the 4 of us, sitting on a darling white table cloth with blue trim and yellow fruit accents (pears, maybe)… sipping wine from our lovely picnic basket that sloan dawg brought along (don’t know how to hispanify that name, but as a sidebar, sloan dawg and i met at one of these outdoor symphonies last year! aw, our little anniversary party…) when juanita noticed that her ex-boyfriend’s wife was sitting RIGHT next to us.

this was pretty much a non-issue till the ex’s daughter noticed juanita, screamed with delight, and proceeded to talk excitedly for 5 minutes… clearly STOKED to run into her dad’s former love.

mmm, see, the daughter is in high school.

because the ex is 55.

juanita is not 55.

after the show, the ex-wife walked up to us, understandably curious about the previous conversation and her daughter’s connection to some stranger.

she asked if we attended the same high school.

mmm… yeah. 3 of the 4 of us are in our 30’s. and 4 of the 4 of us were sipping wine. so, no. not high school buddies.

juanita gracefully stated she was a friend of the ex. at which point the ex-wife says, “oh, you didn’t date him, did you????!!!!” (clearly expecting a “no” response). juanita cannot tell a lie, so she sat there, mouth slightly open, searching for the right response… “um, it was a long time ago…” meanwhile, the horrified daughter shouted, “MOM!!!!”

oh well.

we (the girls, not the ex-wife) talked about the inconvenience of age differences. if only 55 were just a number. but it’s not. it’s got implications. bummer.

10 minutes later, some dude, some young dude, walked up to talk to us. too young. he gaped in disbelief to find he was 10 years younger than his target. he carded her to be sure. but as previously stated, juanita can only speak the truth. ah, the numbers game again.

in the end, juanita went home to her loyal loving dog, a tad short on drama. happy ending? it’s fuzzy math.

regardless, it was a good girls’ night out.

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rules shmules

you know, i really don’t want this to become some blog about my dating life, or lack thereof… i mean, that’s slightly petty to publish, right? but i’m in the midst of a dilemma, so i’m going to process via writing. forgive me.

let me interrupt my train of thought by saying there is nothing funnier than watching a big dog chase a tennis ball around the house on hard wood floors. thank God for pepper.

anyway, i’ve had a list of dating rules the past several years. a set of criteria for men to live up to in order for me to consider dating them. really, there are 4 plus 2 rules. like a bonus round.

1. most importantly… the guy has to love God. i’ve tried it otherwise, and it just never works. i have plenty of friends that this doesn’t apply to, but for whatever reason, dating is different.

2. he’s got to laugh. at himself, at me, at life… etc.

3. he’s got to be intelligent, preferably in a challenging way. not just some rocket scientist i can’t talk to.

4. he’s got to be well traveled… preferably having lived in another country, but i realize that’s asking a lot.

and then the “plus 2…”

a) i won’t date a guy closer to my mom’s age than my own (she is a young thing!)

b) i won’t date potential. that’s a toughy, b/c there’s always potential, but you got to date what’s real now.

now… some friends take issue with the well traveled thing. what if the guy has a desire to travel but just hasn’t been able to? can’t really hold that against him, right? and some friends have an issue with the God thing. is it enough if he just respects your religion? or if he’s spiritual? what if he does yoga? and some think you have to chose either travel or faith… that the two don’t mix… but then i am positive i’m not some freak of nature, and there’ve got to be at least 5 thousand other peeps in the world that love God and travel just like me.

but this weekend i was thinking… are all these rules just an effort to be in control? i mean, what’s the fun in some pre-packaged man? i certainly wouldn’t want anyone to put ME in a box! so i thought i’d just get rid of my rules. get out of the way of God’s sense of humor, you know?

but standards are a good thing, right?

what’s the difference?

i figure it’s better to ask these questions while i’m single.

i’m just thinkin’ out loud here.

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it’s not what you think, but it is funny

my recent facebook status states that i’m bored out of my gourd. a true statement, but somewhat silly, given all that i could be doing. running, swimming, biking, paying taxes, baking a cake… but it’s a long weekend… i don’t want to take care of the mundane. i want adventure! why didn’t i make plans to leave town? go camping? *sigh*

so, as my girlfriend crissy suggested, i’ll update my blog.

in my previous post about bubba buffalo, “s” notes in her comment that i seem occupied since new years… she seems to suggest i’m preoccupied with, i dunno, a boy.

no, dear readers, it just ain’t so. as much as i’d love to report that i’m in the throws of love in all its radiance… that i’m all aglow with a spring in my step and a song in my heart… nnnno. the only body that keeps me warm at night is my teddy bear and my new dog pepper (who i’ll write about later… she is my best source of unconditional love and wet kisses, for sure).

that said, i have entered the dating scene. it seems impossible not to when many of your friends are married. rule of thumb: couples like other couples. and if you’re not a couple, and you’re friends with other couples, you can bet they’ll try to make you a couple real quick. not that i mind… i am definitely not complaining.

so here’s a set up story i’ll share, because it is so entertaining, and because i know the implicated parties would not object. at least i don’t think they would.

two married friends, andrĂ© and julia, asked if they could set me up with guillermo weeks ago. at first i objected (as did he, i’m told), but finally did succumb to their excited suggestions. guillermo and i had never met, though i facebook stalked him thoroughly, since he had no security on his profile page. a given.

the four of us met for dinner. super great time… easy conversation… lots of laughing… and then i said something about my dad being an interior designer.

“and yes,” i added, “he’s gay.”

“no way!” exclaimed guillermo, “my dad is too!”

“i’m not being funny!” i retorted, “my dad really IS gay!”

“no, it IS funny,” guillermo insisted, “because my dad really IS gay too… AND he’s a gynecologist!”

well that did it. i finally met a man who could one up me. we may have to start a club.

happy crissy? đŸ™‚

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facebook official

one of the perks of being a youth minister is talking about sex.

and i talk about sex a lot… like… every month at least. it’s very important!

in a recent conversation with some very savvy 10th grade girls, i posed the question: what defines a “couple?”

a few answers percolated to the surface… including, “if it’s on facebook, it’s official.”

and there you have it.

“couples” according to a 16 year old.

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out with a bang

i know this will come as a disappointment to many a reader, but i have suspended my eharmony subscription. it’s just not how i roll. here’s one last nugget of gold from the countless hopeless matches i received (not that they are hopeless… but the match most certainly is). typos in quotations are authentic.

meet filipe.

filipe is a truck driver.

filipe’s passion: “relaxing in my front lawn by my flag pole” and looking at ants.

one thing filipe wishes more people would notice about him: “i am really cool. just wait until i rig an october corn maze in the garden for our children IF an eharmony lady says ‘yes’ before my viagra days arrive.”

one thing that only felipe’s best friends know is: “many ladies here at eharmony want to know what i’d like my spouse & companion to enjoy doing with me? cooking together and i do mean cooking in ever since of the word… i just bought an american made, cast iron, dutch oven.”

some additional information filipe wanted you to know: “i want you to be a ‘career woman’ if you choose to be, BUT if you live your life by living on credit (i’m strong-willed about it) then i’m not your man. i’m not a penny pincher. i roll the pennies.”

told you. golden. farewell eharmony. it’s been… err… real… somethin’.

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not the juan for me

deep down inside, i know i probably shouldn’t write this post… that it will bite me in the butt someday. but i’m going to anyway because i think it’s a good story. my fear is that it’ll come across as if i’m making fun of someone… of juan… but this is really a story of how i am a complete idiot.

see, i have this kinda outgoing personality. and sometimes that can be misconstrued as being flirtatious when i meet men. i suppose that was the case with juan, because he started calling me last week (after getting my number from a friend), making good conversation, and eventually asking when we could hang out.

now he never actually asked me on a date.

so i wasn’t sure about his intentions.

hence my entirely ridiculous response.

juan: you got plans thursday?
me: yep. going to a benefit.
juan: drinks afterward?
me: nope, may be out late.
juan: how about this weekend?
me: i’ve got a lock-in with my kids… really busy.
juan: sometime else?
me: i’m pretty much booked till mid-december.
juan: how about mornings?
me: mornings work. i can do that.

**awkward pause while i’m figuring out how to dodge a bullet i’m not sure exists**

me: um, juan, i gotta tell you… i don’t want to sound presumptuous, but i just have to let you know i’m not interested in dating you right now.

**shoot!! right now?? that doesn’t sound right?!?!**

me: errrr… or… ever.

**ahhh! what am i doing?!? or ever?!? how mean is that?!?!**

me: i mean, i know i sometimes send mixed messages unintentionally, so if that’s the message i’ve been sending, i just want to correct it.
juan: ok. are you seeing someone?
me: no.

**i’m the worst person ever!**

juan: ok. so you want to grab coffee friday?
me: sure!

**how can he be nice when i’m so mean?!?! why wasn’t i born knowing how to do this??**

and then we had a lovely coffee this morning. no real surprise there. he’s a great guy. smart, funny, conversational, nice, handsome. i’d set him up with one of my friends in a heartbeat. hey, there’s an idea…

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useless blither

stealing that one from furst.

i feel like i should post something today since it is election day and voting is important (get out the vote!)

i did vote, and my ballot would confuse just about anyone.

so rather than confuse you all as well, i’ll tell you about how much i like to go to the park.

i was dogsitting this past weekend. ollie is the best dog. i should take a picture next time i stay with him. for one, ollie is a great cuddler. he keeps my feet warm, but doesn’t get in my way… perfect. secondly, ollie sits and contemplates important things while i’m reading. he can be so stoic. he’s also my muse. he sat on my feet while i typed a paper sunday, and i’m convinced that’s why i finished the whole thing in one sitting.

ollie is also a smart ass. at one point, as i stretched out on the couch reading homework on a friday night, loving my class and the reading, but lamenting how it encroaches on my social life… i turned to ollie and said, “you know, even if i were to really like a guy… i don’t have time for a boyfriend.” ollie, in his infinite wisdom, rolled his eyes at me.

but this is supposed to be about parks, not dogs. ollie lives 2 doors down from one of the entrances to a great park. it is so much fun to walk there, and ollie is the perfect excuse. the breadth and depth of humanity you encounter at the park is amazing! all different people, all different shapes and sizes and colors. and dogs. everyone is so different, and yet they all come to the same spot. a spark of commonality between us all. and this weekend, with the especially lovely fall weather, i couldn’t help but be awed by the beauty of all God’s creation… the people, colors, smells, animals, sounds, feels… like it was one great big church.

and now i’ve said something about parks.

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oh, snap!

just checked to see how many matches were omitted by my friend the other night, at which point i discovered he dumped the ONLY guy i was in communication with! and the reason he gave?

“i think the difference in our values is too great”

thanks, man. a whole month and a half of investment down the drain. hilarious.

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e-harmony update

nothing to report, except that i let one of my guy friends into my e-harmony account last night and he dumped half my matches.

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lessons from a 14 year old

i was talking to one of my youth last week, discussing the high school dating scene over a cup of coffee (have i mentioned that i love my job?) at one point she said, “every one of my guy friends likes at least 3 girls. they just can’t make up their minds!” she was lamenting the fact that even her boyfriend was into other girls. and i thought, ah, poor high schoolers. they just don’t know what they want. i’m so glad that’s not MY dating scene any longer…

but perhaps i was wrong.

i visited my friend carolyn (and her wonder dog molly!) last friday in chapel hill. we met up with my rock star (literally) friend, alex wilkins, and then went to his gig at a bar across from UNC. it was fun.

but during the course of the night, a guy named ryan professed that i was his soul mate. maybe this is because we were talking about theology and linguistics in a bar. i mean, it is rare bar talk. but soul mate? and it was especially discouraging, as ryan happens to be ENGAGED. how can an engaged man mistake me for his soul mate? really?

the real kicker was when i came home to find an email from engaged-man-ryan, who i suppose found my email address on my blog, stating that he’s really a very nice and faithful guy, but that he’d like to start up a conversation type relationship with me. over email. and i’ll add that his email address seemed to have been made up, strictly for this purpose. s-k-e-t-c-h-y.

point being… do 14 year olds never grow up?

here i thought the “liking 3 girls at once” problem was reserved to the dramas of high school, but it doesn’t seem to be a safe assumption.

the evening still rocked, though, since i got to see carolyn AND even did an impromptu duet with alex. i’m lovin’ me some tambourine.

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